Memories
by friendsqueen216
Summary: She wants to say those three words to him, but it doesn't seem right with Alex sleeping next to her, so she settles for, "Goodbye."  Ten Moments in the Mark and Lexie romance.


_Title_: Memories  
_Pairing_: Lexie/Mark  
_AN_: I Attempted the itunes shuffle challenge. Some are short. Some are longer. Just did it for fun. The song and artist will be you like it, I had fun writing it. Might try it with different Grey's characters or if you like one and would want to see it continued, I can see what I can do.

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**(01) Grenade- Bruno Mars**

Mark had never understood the concept of dying for someone. He had heard Derek and Addison making the promise to each other countless times, and he had rolled his eyes. It was stupid, to sacrifice yourself for someone else, life wasn't something to be tossed out lightly. No matter how much you love the person, it doesn't matter the one thing you should love more than anything is life.

When he'd developed feelings for Addison, he still wouldn't die for her. If it really came down to it, he'd do whatever he could do to save her, sure. But die, he didn't think so. He just didn't get why you'd ever die for someone, that was no use for either of you.

As he hears the gunshots, he gets the concept of dying for someone. In that moment, he pushes Lexie down, willing to sacrifice himself for her. He would rather be dead then be the reason why she's not alive.

Yeah, he gets it now. He'd die for her. He'd live for her. He'd do anything for her.

* * *

**(02) When There Was Me and You- Vanessa Hudgens **

She hates what happened to them. She's watching him try to pick up Teddy and she hates herself for it. She hates that she bought them to this. She hates that she has to pretend that she cares about Alex to somehow justify what happened to them.

Mark thinks she doesn't care, she knows that. But she does care, he doesn't know that after Alex goes to sleep, she stares blankly, thinking about nothing but them. Mark is all she thinks about. Every time she closes her eyes, she thinks about how he got her to move in with her, the baseball game, him holding her, and how perfect they were.

No one ever got her. She was that weird girl who memorized the periodic table. She was the suck up who remembered everything. She was the girl who's own sister didn't want her. He wanted her, he understood her, he loved her. He was perfect and he wanted her, he needed her.

As she sees Teddy smile at him, she knows she's lost him. He's not hers, and she can't keep up the façade that she doesn't care anymore. She ran into the bathroom, and began sobbing over her failed fairy tale.

* * *

**(03) California Gurls- Katy Perry **

"I don't get this song." He tells her. Lexie stares blankly out the window as usual, it's Mark's turn to babysit her. She hates that this is what happened to them.

"How can you not get this song?" She demands, "It's like your theme song."

"Really? _California Gurls_ is my theme song." He questions amused and impressed he got her to talk to him.

"Yeah, it's like your dream land. Girls in bikinis, sex on the beach, sitting around drinking all day, seems like a Mark Sloan heaven." Lexie shrugs. She knows he had fun, the last time he was in California, how could he not? Addison and him had probably gone at it the entire time.

"It does sound pretty nice." He agrees.

"Plus, we know, the California girls are the girls you love the most." She says quietly.

He knows what she's implying, and nods his head, "I do love the West Coast girls."

She sighs, "Yeah, so you of all people should understand _California Gurl_s."

He shrugs, "Nah, I still don't get it. California Girls are great, but the real winners are the Seattle girls."

"Yeah?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah I love Seattle Girls the most." He looks at her poignantly.

She tries to keep the smile from her face, she can't.

* * *

**(04) When I Get Home You're So Dead- Mayday Parade **

All he sees is Alex Karev. Alex Karev with his smug smirk, telling him, _"I fucked your girlfriend."_

"I can't even look at you!" He screams and walks away he can hear her following him.

"Don't. Don't Mark, we can't end like this!" Lexie yells.

"It's over." He tells her, "You cheated."

"If I cheated, so did you!" She snaps, "I can forgive you because I love you."

She just told him she loved him and all he can see is her screaming Alex Karev's name. And he gets it, he of all people understands why she numbed her pain with sex. But he can't forgive her because all he can see is Alex Karev and Lexie, Alex moving his hands all over her body, her moaning his name,** it was not okay.**

"I expected something like this from me, but you? Never!" He snaps.

"Mark, I'm sorry." She says simply.

He's fucking crying. She made him fucking cry, the last time he cried, he doesn't even remember. He hates this she is the most important person in his life and he wants nothing more than to hold her and tell her they'll get through it. But he can only see every place Alex touched his Lexie.

"I just see Alex touching you. All I can see is him on you, and I can't see you like that, so I'm going, you're free, do what you want." He gets in the car, still crying, she doesn't follow him, and he doesn't look back. He drives away, leaving her staring after him with tears in her eyes, when he gets out of the parking lot, he calls Derek doesn't bother explaining why his voice sounds like he's crying, and tells him that Lexie's in the parking lot crying and he needs to go get her cause it's not Mark's job anymore.

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**(05) So Happy I Could Die- Lady Gaga **

Mark finds her in the bar, and she grins at him. They had been through enough trauma that day to last them their entire lives. Mark and Derek had possibly ended their friendship over her, and she knew that. They had already talked about it, but now she didn't want to talk.

"Hey." He kisses her on the lips, she kisses back passionately, and he doesn't miss the alcohol on her breath. He pulls away, and says, "How much have you had?"

She giggles, "More than you."

He nods, "Well I've had zero so you've had…"

"Seven." She tells him.

He raises an eyebrow, "Seven?"

She giggles, and takes his hand and leads him to the dance floor, "Dance with me."

"I am a terrible dancer." He tells her, but she's already dancing and he can't help but watch her mesmerized by her motion. She grabs him and he moves a little bit too, not caring who sees him. When she gets tired of dancing she leans into him, and whispers, "I'm drunk."

"No kidding." He answers, he asks Joe for the bill and takes her to the car. He drives her while she laughs, as he takes her into Meredith's she whispers, "You're my best friend."

He rolls his eyes, "You really are drunk."

"No, you're my best friend. We always hangout and you're the only one who likes me." Lexie mutters, "I think you're my best friend."

He doesn't know what to say to that, so he just changes her into pajamas and tucks her in, and as she falls asleep, he whispers, "You make me happy."

She squeezes his hand in acknowledgement. The next morning Derek walks in on him holding her hair in the bathroom and rolls his eyes, and leaves, but Mark is to happy to care.

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**(06) Trouble Sleeping- The Perishers **

He hears the phone ring, and he groans, who the hell has the audacity to call him at, he glances at the clock, 3:23 in the morning, as soon as he sees the name he immediately forgets his annoyance and is just grateful she called.

"Hey." He whispers.

"I can't sleep." She tells him.

He's not surprised. She's been high strung lately, the shootings been hard on her. He sighs into the phone, "What's up?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to I don't know, talk." She mutters.

"Okay, we can uh talk. You know Little Grey, you pick the weirdest times to want the deep conversation. You'd always wake me up to talk." He laughs at the memory, and wishes that she was there with him now.

"And did that ever bother you?" She asks.

He shakes his head, "No I loved every minute of it."

She smiles, "My favorite time was when you told me about your and Derek's first time getting drunk."

He laughs, "Yeah that's a good one. Another classic is when you thought the jello shots were just jello, and had like a million of them."

"There's a reason, I don't like jello." She says shaking her head at the memory.

Mark rolls his eyes, "Which is still ridiculous, you know? Seriously, you didn't stop drinking vodka after you threw up."

"Well, I knew that was going to happen, Mark. I was traumatized after jello shots gone bad." She tells him.

"Jello shots are wonderful." He argues.

"Says the guy who swears he got an iguana to smoke a joint!" Lexie laughs.

"Hey, he smoked it." Mark assures her.

"I think you had a bad hit, babe." The word slips out so easily, that she notices it when it's already left her mouth. She knows he notices it too.

"I don't think you know what a bad hit is Little Miss. I Didn't Knowingly Drink till I was 21." He teases.

Lexie laughs, "What can I say I'm an angel."

"Except when it involves board games. You are a cheater, Miss. Grey." Mark tells her.

"I did not cheat at Monopoly!" She yells.

"Uh, yeah you did." He argues.

She grins, "You're a sore loser."

"Perhaps." He agrees.

"Thank you, for not bringing it up." She whispers.

He knows she means the shooting, "Of course."

She looks to see Alex turning in bed, "Well, I should go."

He nods, "Alright, get some sleep."

She wants to say those three words to him, but it doesn't seem right with Alex sleeping next to her, so she settles for, "Goodbye."

* * *

**07 As Lovers Go- Dashboard Confessional **

"You kissed me."

"I did."

"And?"

"I love you."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't."

"It's not that easy."

"It is though, you and me, we're easy. We are meant to be."

"Mark, I'm not ready for kids and a white picket fence."

"But that's what you want."

"Eventually."

"And who do you want that with?"

"I can only imagine you, but I don't want to make you wait."

"I have to wait, because you're it for me."

"Mark, you can have anyone you want."

"You see though, I just want you. Forever."

"Forever is a long time."

"I know."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I can keep it. I will love you for the rest of my life and even after that if you believe in that stuff."

"I do."

"Hmm what do you know, then I guess I'm yours for eternity, huh?"

"Are you sure?"

"Never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Thank god."

He laughed.

She cried.

"Hey, don't cry."

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Lex. More than I thought possible."

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

"I love you too."

"This past year without you has been hell."

"For me, too."

"We'll never do this again. Me and you forever, no leaving, no backing down."

"No leaving, no backing down."

"Good."

He kissed her.

"Maybe, we should have a napkin wedding."

He chuckled and kissed her again.

* * *

**(08) For The Widows in Paradise, for the Fatherless in Ypsilanti- Sufjan Stevens**

It's him and Meredith in the room. Of course Lexie's there, but she's sleeping.

He checked her into psych. He committed the love of his life to psych.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, he means for it to be for Lexie. He's sorry that this ever happened. He's sorry that he ever let her out of the room. He's sorry that he ever broke up with her. He's just so sorry. He's sorry that he turned her into this.

"Don't be sorry," Meredith shrugged, "I would have done the same thing."

"I should have waited for you to come before I committed her." He sighs, "You're he sister, I'm her coworker."

Meredith snorts

"What Grey?" He demands

"You are so much more than her coworker." Meredith rolls her eyes.

He says nothing.

"She loves you." Meredith tells him.

Mark's holding Lexie's hand and he squeezes it softly, to keep calm.

"She's in love with Karev." He insists.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Meredith snaps.

"I heard her say it." Mark tells her.

"Whatever, can't believe everything you hear." Meredith insists.

Mark shrugs, "I put her in here."

"Gary Clark put her in here." Meredith assures him.

"No, I let her go, I should never have let her go." He says sadly.

"It was the right call." She whispers.

"It was not. I should have went." He mutters, "I should have left her with Karev."

"Then Alex would have died and she'd never forgive you. Or worse, you'd get shot, and she would never be the same. She would never be able to move on, you are everything to her." Meredith reminds him.

"She's everything to me. And I hate seeing her like this." He mutters.

"This is love. It sucks sometimes, but other times it's the most amazing thing ever. You guys are hitting your rough patch, just see her through this, she'll find her way back." Meredith assures him quietly.

* * *

**(09) The Way We Were- Barbra Streisand **

Lexie had a break up routine. She watched chicks flicks, ate ice cream, and cried. Then she was able to move on. She started with the Way We Were and couldn't even make it through that. She picked up her cell phone, and dialed the all to familiar number. _Mark Sloan, leave a message. _

"Hey, Mark. So I know you can't even look at me right now, but I uh I was watching The Way We Were, I know bad choice, and Katie and Hubbell broke up and she calls him and says that she needs her best friend and she can't get through this break up without him, and he uh he comes. And, Mark you're my best friend. I know you think it's dumb, because Callie and Derek are your best friends, but I…you're my best friend. You're the person I hangout with all the time, tell everything to, and you know me the best. You're my best friend and I know we broke up but I need my best friend, when you have a break up you of course need your best friend. So what I'm saying is I need you to be my Hubbell or whatever, I need my best friend." She hung up the phone, crying hysterically.

'Shit, I can't believe I did that.' She thought miserably, 'Now I definitely am the most pathetic person in this break up.' She fell back on the couch, sobbing hysterically, hitting the couch, nearly hyperventilating. He wasn't going to come, he was going to have a laugh with Callie about how pathetic she was, and he was right, she had called him begging for him and now she was on Meredith's couch hitting the back of it and crying hysterically.

Suddenly she heard the doorbell ring. Great, now everyone in the house would wake up, and everyone would see how pathetic she was. She answered the door, and saw him standing there holding a carton of ice cream, "I got your message."

She was still hyperventilating, and could not make up a lie, he would never believe the classic, _'I'm fine.'_ He grabbed her and bought her over to the couch, "I'll be right back." And he was, he gave her a paper bag, and held her rubbing her back as she breathed into it. When she was breathing, he held her and let her cry. He gave her some ice cream, but she couldn't even keep it down. So he spent most of the night holding her as she cried. At one point she cried, "I'm so sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry."

He had rubbed her back and played with her hair, "I know, Lex, I know."

She began to get tired, but she couldn't fall asleep, this might be the last time he ever held her, and she didn't want it to end, her whimpering continued, and he whispered into her hair, "You should sleep."

She nodded still crying into his shirt, "Will you still be here when I wake up?"

She felt his breath against her hair as he promised, "I'll stay until Meredith can take over, okay?" She nodded into his shirt, and began to ease herself to sleep, Mark was still holding her. She was safe.

When she woke up the next morning, she was in Meredith's arms. The tears started flowing again, and Meredith gave her a sympathetic look, "Oh, Lexie."

* * *

**(10) Airplanes- B.O.B **

"It's a shooting star!" She shrieked.

He shook his head, "That would be an airplane."

She rolled her eyes, "It's a shooting stars! Come on, make a wish!"

"Lexie, that's a plane." He laughed.

"You are a kill joy." She told him.

"Sorry, I'm from New York. I'm just realistic." He told her.

"Kill joy. That is you. You are a kill joy." She repeated.

"What's the big deal?" He asked her.

She shrugged, "It'd just be nice to make a wish on a shooting star with your uh…"

"Your what?" He demanded.

"It doesn't matter. You don't do labels." She mumbled.

"Lexie," He pleaded, desperate to know what the issue was.

"I just wish, we could just give us a name." Lexie whispered.

"I know." He whispered, "Hey, you want a ride home?"

"Yeah, sure." She shrugged and hopped into the car.

He started driving. She sighed, "Mark, you're going the wrong way."

"Am not!" He teased.

"You are, you New Yorker. I'm Seattle born and raised, I know my way around." She laughed.

He pulled over quickly, "Look there's a shooting star!"

"Mark, that's a plane. We're right by the airport." She told him.

"Kill joy." He mocked, she giggled, "Let's just pretend, alright?"

She nodded, and they pretended.

She wished to stay in the moment forever. He wished for Derek to understand.

After a half an hour or so, he started the car, "Pretty good night with the boyfriend huh?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend." He confirmed.

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AN: Thanks for reading, review if you get a chance :) Let me know which one you liked best.


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